So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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