i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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