I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize