I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
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4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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