I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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