So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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