I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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