As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
love makes seman taste better
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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