i jhust puked up my retainher.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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