worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i think my cat just said my name.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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