Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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