When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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