hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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