She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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