Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize