just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize