Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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