I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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