I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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