anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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