I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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