the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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