just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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