how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize