around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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