just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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