the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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