My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Houston, we have a squirter
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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