thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
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I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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