He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
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The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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