it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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