I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize