The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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