you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize