I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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