Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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