Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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