you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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