i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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