Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
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I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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