i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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