Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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