that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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