I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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