I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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