If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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