Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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