i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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