If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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