Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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